on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
