just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
