i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
