Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
