Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
