If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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