clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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