he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
