I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
