You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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