It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
