boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
