If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
