Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
vagina is talking i cant
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
