Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
