I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
