If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
