Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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