He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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