FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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