you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
