toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
