you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
