but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
