Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
