I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
