With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
