took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
