she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Randomize
