I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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