I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
