Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
