Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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