I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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