There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
