Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
