I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
