I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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