and next time when you feel me up, do it right
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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