Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
