Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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