the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
