also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Barsexuality is the new black.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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