how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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