very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
