Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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