He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
