my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
