I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found puke in my bra..
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
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Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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