cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
