mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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