I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
