You smell like a Billy Joel song
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
