this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
