Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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