well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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