I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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