it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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