First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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