I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We got so high we made milksteak
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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