He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
