He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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