haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
