I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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