spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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