I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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