Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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