how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
