i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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