Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
