The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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