So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
