I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
