I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
